Pickling Salt – Who am I to help you?

It says here in my business plan “write your story,” simple quick little essay about why you should trust me when it comes to life hacking your way towards a sustainable healthy energetic existence. What I feel when I see that is where do I start? My aches pains and struggles have been more like a wet bar of soap. You know the one that is millimeters thin and once you try and pick it up it sticks to the bottom of the tub and actually starts to become the surface of the tub. Now my fingernails are full of soap and it’s only a matter of time before I wipe my eye with said soapy finger.

InTheGreen_small

I have been through so many different categories of “Sick.” Each organ system has been looked at, poked, scanned, head scratched, referred, and prescribed. The over riding theme was non stop digestive issues and deep deep emotional pain. Depression. When your quality of life does not match up with the movies. When laughter is not worth the risk of that belly pain finally letting loose in your pants. When your siblings have gorgeous skin and are always in shape, what went wrong with you? My connection with the world felt more like that of the sacrificial lamb. I didn’t understand other people. And they didn’t understand me. I truthfully was ALWAYS exhausted, ALWAYS had physical pain, and NEVER wanted to really do anything. I was labeled a brat. Sometimes I woke up with the world open wide and a bounce in my step. This left me attacking the world and taking everything I could! Living a manic to crash lifestyle with what seemed no rhyme or reason. But always up and down. Mostly down.

I was already self medicating by high school. Smoking marijuana was the only thing keeping me from jumping out the window. It eased the painful emotions and physical suffering that was puberty and most of my childhood. I can say that weed saved my life, the first time. By 18 I had already giving up on allopathic medicine. They never told me anything that really felt right in my heart. I was never convinced about their diagnosis’s. All they did was hurt me while they looked around. They didn’t seem to listen to what I was saying, and I naturally didn’t trust anyone. I was an outsider. I felt like I suffered alone in this world. My chest pains and irregular heart beat could not be separate from the swelling in my ankles, the blotchy bumpy itchy skin, or the chronic diarrhea. Because I knew and understood, I HAVE ONE BODY. I am not made up of separate systems. I am fully integrated.

But they went to college for decades, they are the experts. So I took what they said and did the best I could. I didn’t have the internet or a computer to cross reference or self diagnose. But that doesn’t really work either.

I was in college when a wonderful friend introduced me to Yoga. This was pre-studio on every block, and we did it off of a very silly DVD in our living room. Out of focus with weird audio, obviously made in the 90’s for VHS. That first session saved my life the second time. I felt like someone breathed a measure of life back into me. By this point I was living a Lyndsey Lohan life. Thankfully cell phone cameras were not around to provide shameful evidence. What did I learn in college? I learned how to wake up with coffee and a joint in the shower, raid the cafeteria, eat power bars and energy drinks to get through the day, nap, then party like a rock star, vomit, and 3 hours later wake up and do it all over again.

A few times a week I stood still in my Warrior Poses. I breathed oxygen fully. Then crashed down for a 10 hour nap. Hey it was NYC, and I was in my twenties. This self medicating thing had been the most successful treatment yet. It allowed me to keep going day in and day out. I didn’t have to think, most of the time it was enough to silence the racing mind that I later had to wake up to and learn to calm down on my own.

Eventually at a cocktail party, some woman identified herself as a nutritionist, looked at my skin, listened about my stomach aches, said I should try giving up dairy, it looked like I was having an allergic reaction. WHAT! No I have had these issues since I was a kid. They say I am pre-diabetic, estrogen dominant, bi-polar, with a heart murmur that restricts me from cardio, but my metabolism is hyperactive so I can eat what I want and stay thin. What could Milk have to do with any of that. Oh these varicose veins at 22 that’s heredity, these abnormal pap smears and lumps in my breasts that’s heredity too. I am definitely going to get cancer it’s only a matter of time. That’s in my family too.  By this point I had ran away from school and The City, hanging around the Air Force taking health advice from Men’s Health Magazine. I wanted muscles. I wanted to be a “bad-ass military bitch”. Meat, Iron, and Alcohol. A chip on my shoulder and temper to boot. So give up dairy. Hmm… I was drinking tons of fat free milk in protein shakes, eating everything steamed, and a tub of fat free cottage cheese for dessert. How do I make gains without Milk Protein?

One week off dairy, saved my life for the third time. I for the first time started to really look at my food. To feel how it affected ME. Not what a magazine says, or based on the science of micros and macros. ME. What did my body have to say? The more I cut out, the better I felt. I got discharged. Ran back to NYC and became a vegetarian for 7 years.

Living on coffee, protein drinks, and energy drinks developed into hyper vigilant super food nut. That’s bad, this is good. With my boyfriend at the time, we developed these crazy superfood smoothies. I had my blender and a cabinet full of powdered super foods. And a refrigerator full of fancy oils and probiotics. I had a laundry list of things I was allergic to, and had legitimate reactions to. I carried and epi-pen for shell fish. Things were serious. I had proof that I was not faking. I got hives walking into Yankee Candle. My body exploded if butter came anywhere near my eggs on a grill. Plus I had a list of things I would not eat for political reasons, or idealogical zionistic views on what was natural for mankind and what was not.

Slowly I did start to get healthier and started to see the light. Old issues went away but new one’s appeared. My joints snap crackled and popped, I had terrible teeth, my emotions were all over the place. I developed serious reactions to cleaning products, perfumes, and laundry detergent. Most of the time I was completely exhausted, or cracked out on super smoothies. Then I cut out fish and eggs and crashed. Ok Vegan is NOT for me.

I still turned to alcohol and marijuana for strength. I started to understand that I wanted to be clean, but didn’t really know what that meant. Through Yoga I discovered Ayurveda. I gave up all intoxicants. Quit all drugs even birth control and tylenol. It was here that my life fully fell apart. My libido, my everything. All of the feelings and pains I suppressed over the years all demanded to be felt. It was in this period that I am positive that the diabetes fully kicked in. I now realize that my brain and joints were starving for good fats. My vegetarian diet was too high in carbs and sugar. So I went Paleo. That didn’t work either.

It is only now, looking back, that I see how some people need protein and fats as the foundation of their diet, and some people need grains and fruit more dominant in their diet. But most of us sit moderately in the middle, we are omnivores after all. But still using only nutrition will get you half way. The Mind and Soul need to be fed good food too. I started to hear about this thing called Chakras, bought a book but never read it.

On the advice of a few friends, I tried to check my self into an asylum. I went to the best guy in NYC. He took one look at me, and said. Generalized Anxiety Disorder from untreated Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Basically I was stuck in fight or flight. He put me on Lexapro and Xanax for the occasional tune up, and we were to meet once a month.

This was the ultimate High. I was living in a movie. Floating. I didn’t feel. I only felt peace. This calm stillness revolutionized the way I saw everything. It all was so simple. I laughed easily for the first time, maybe ever. I remember observing that sudden bubbling up of silly like it was a curious condition.

The last time I saved my own life. I quit my job, I left my boyfriend and best friend of 9 years. I left my cats. I left New York City. I left the US. I left everything. I took a break for about a year.

The side effects of the pills really bothered me. I also was starting to get concerned about my lack of concern. So I slowly took myself off of them. Gently with love. To love my self. To acknowledge that I am a sensitive creature and to wear my heart on my sleeve. That tenderness is the ultimate strength.

This rest. Cured my allergies.

This pause, this break, gave me time to reconnect. To learn to listen to nature. To my body. To step back from the man made ideas and craziness. To see us all as unique.

I finally read that book. I discovered Ancient Ideas from the Indian Empire which spread across the Middle East, up to Greece to Tibet and down. Pictures and eventual writings estimate this knowledge comes from 4000-6000 BC. The Vedas and Upanishads, medical philosophy, memorized in song and poems because written language had not been invented yet. This knowledge developed into Chinese Medicine, Tibetan Medicine, and Ayurveda from India. The foundations of Hinduism, Christianity, and Buddhism. They knew the way the organ systems work together back then. How our mind and emotions are extremely powerful, and tied to the health of our organs. Intricate details of how to cleanse the body, and in what order. They understood that each person is unique and needed individual care. They did it all with Food, Meditation, and the Natural Elements. When did we loose this wisdom? RvsWarrior_SMALL

I discovered that the body cannot heal unless it has rest. It can only heal if it feels safe.

All things on this planet are made out of the basic elements. Everything. Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. Before the Old Testament was written they added in Metal, Wood, and Ether. From listening to the state of these elements in our bodies and using natural things around us we can directly influence the state of our health. The quality of our life, and even the level of our intelligence.

I am currently 31. I am the healthiest and happiest I have ever been, by a long shot. I am still on my journey. My mind is clear and open. I rarely get sick. 100% of my issues that I lived with birth through 28 have disappeared. There are little things that pop up, but now I can squash them out before they become serious. I no longer believe that I will get cancer. I don’t think I shall have wrinkles until i am retired. I have passion. I love life. My mind is sharp and clear. My body is strong and flexible at a stable weight.

The depression is directly influenced by my environment, alcohol, and wheat. So I stay away from those things. My skin and stomach aches are still influenced by eating LOW QUALITY foods and dairy. So I stay eating clean. I live in harmony with the seasons. I easily stay cool in the summer and naturally stay warm in winter. I am one with all things around me.

I found the secrets to teach you to be the same. To show you how to listen to your body. To show you what foods and mind sets are poison for everyone. To show you why quality matters. To teach you to use your mind, body, and soul as one great symbiotic piece of art that can be cured of nearly all disease. Holistically. Lovingly. With Ancient Knowledge.

I feel called to spread these ideas. I feel propelled forward by something more then myself, to use my past to help others. This program I am calling THE SIX is my first attempt at doing just that. Join me. Because life is precious, and suffering is needless.  

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